Although we had a lot of reservations about putting up a public post on this very sensitive topic, those were largely overcome by the large number of requests for information on this seemingly distressing problem.
So here goes…
Premature ejaculation occurs when a male sex partner reaches orgasm (“comes”, “climaxes”, etc) before he or his partner desires so…that is, he reaches orgasm (and thus ejaculates) too early. This may range from before penetration to shortly after doing so. It’s not a matter of length of time or duration of intercourse, but rather simply about adequately satisfying himself and the partner.
For the avoidance of doubt, the average time from beginning of intercourse to orgasm (ejaculation) in most normal folks is about five (5) minutes.
Thus premature ejaculation leaves one or both partners unsatisfied with the sexual intercourse.
Premature Ejaculation is a common complaint among men (some studies suggest that as many as 1 in every 4 men would experience it at some point in their lives) but unfortunately because of the premium placed on male sexual performance by most societies, the men are ashamed to seek help and suffer in silence. It rarely is a cause for concern when it occurs infrequently, but persistent or recurrent episodes may lead to worry/anxiety which unfortunately further aggravates the situation/condition.
Though it may be caused (directly or indirectly) by conditions like diabetes, heart disease, psychotropic drug use/abuse and other neurological disorders,
more commonly its due to poor control of excitement/stimulation during sexual intercourse or anxiety.
Guilt and other psychological factors such as stress are also important contributing/aggravating factors. A typical pattern of events is that a man experiences an episode of premature ejaculation, feels he has let himself down in front of his partner, becomes worried about this unusual occurrence and carries this worry on till the next intercourse where he feels an increased need to prove himself to his partner typically associated with apprehension. Unfortunately, the worry/anxiety is further heightened resulting in another episode of premature ejaculation and thus further despair!
Premature ejaculation is generally classified as either Primary (lifelong) or Secondary (acquired). Primary premature ejaculation is characterised by ejaculation that always or nearly always occurs within a minute of vaginal penetration, a recurrent inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations, resulting in negative personal consequences such as stress, apprehension, frustration, and avoidance of sexual intimacy. Secondary premature ejaculation shares same characteristics but is distinguished by the fact that it develops after having previous satisfying sexual experiences without ejaculatory problems. It also has a better prognosis than primary premature ejaculation.
Regardless of the exact pattern or class of premature ejaculation, seeking help or counsel from qualified medical personnel is often an important step to take in a bid to successfully overcoming premature ejaculation. Such a consultation may even reveal that what was assumed to be a case of premature ejaculation actually is not so!
Overcoming it often requires a willing and cooperative partner as well as an understanding of the sexual response cycle, especially noting the different rates of progress through the different phases (Arousal » Plateau » Orgasm » Resolution) for males and females and noting that males tend to progress through the phases much faster. With that understanding, its easy to expect that a male would tend to reach orgasm faster leaving the female unsatisfied.
So ideally, the affected male should delay penetration as much as possible while maximally stimulating the female partner and helping her progress farther along. When the female is sufficiently stimulated, as evidenced by being very “wet” and insisting/demanding penetration, the male can then do so but still does not start thrusting (moving in & out) immediately! This is also where a lot of help is needed from the partner who already understands the problem and is willing to help. Whenever the male begins to sense he is getting too excited, he has to stay perfectly still or withdraw out of the vagina, or firmly but gently grasping/squeezing the end of the penis (where the glans meets the shaft) until he is sufficiently composed to go on, while all the time continuing to stimulate the female. This cycle continues until the female reaches orgasm or almost there, then the male can thrust all he wants.
Using a condom also helps reduce the sensitivity of the penile skin and as such will aid preventing or reducing Premature Ejaculation. Occasionally, anaesthetic creams or lotions may also be prescribed, which similarly reduce the sensitivity of the penile skin.
When the above measures prove ineffective in controlling the problem or in severe cases where ejaculation occurs even before vaginal penetration, some medications may be prescribed by the managing physician (after appropriate investigations to rule out underlying medical problems) to help with the situation. Never self-medicate!